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Submitted on
March 16, 2009
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AN hi guiex dis is my first story writn its about twilight andmy name is Tamara oh and mi twin sister Amy halped mi write dis Amy thx for da halp!

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CHAPTAR ONE: NEW VAMPIRE IN TOWN!!!!

Hi everyone, my name is Aurora Lovelace Starlight Lolita Borealis. I have pretty raven black and shiny hair that goes to my waist and shiny topaz-colored eyes. I have a D-cup bra size and I love wearing Gothic Lolita. My favorite band is Evanescence and Amy Lee is my idol! Anyway, I had to move to Forks, a quiet little town that is so boring! Anyway I LOVE SATAN FOREVER EVEN THOUGH I WEAR CROSSES WITH MY GOTHIC LOLITA DRESSES!!!!!!!! Anyway, when I woke up in my bed (we don't have coffins), I saw that Luna Tropo Strato Meso Thermo Iono Exo Atmo Eclipse (AN: Amy dis is u!!1) was already awake and drinking a glass of bright maroon blood, her favorite drink. Mine, too!

"Hi, Aurora." Said Luna.

"Hi." I replied, grinning.

"Ready for our first day of school?"

"YES!" I giggled and raced out the door.

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AN: Iss it gud? i don't rite gud so amy is mi beta thx gurl!!1
This is my first story. It is very stupid. I hope that you all tell me that it sucks ass. :D
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:icondarkakito:
DarkAkito Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist General Artist
Like others have said, try not to use such long names. Three names are good. First name, middle name, last name. That's all you need, trust me.

Try not to describe your character so much in the first chapter. You're pretty good with description, but try not to depend on it to tell your whole story. Let your character build up throughout the story. It'll work out better.

I recommend reading different books. It's a good way to learn word-play and description.
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:iconerekarayne:
ErekaRayne Featured By Owner Dec 30, 2010  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Your grammar is too good.

XD
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:icongizbear:
gizbear Featured By Owner Oct 27, 2010  Student Writer
you are a fantastic little person. XD
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:iconzimfan101010:
Zimfan101010 Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2010   Photographer
HAAA!!!!!
I see yet another my immortal wannabe :meow:
let me know if you decide to go to school someday. god forbid if you get any worse at writing.
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:iconjocund-slumber:
jocund-slumber Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2010
This is the greatest introduction to a fanfic I have ever had the pleasure to read.
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:iconinvaderkel:
InvaderKel Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2009
dis iz gud lulz ilurv tweilit n dis iz nutin liyk daht 'mie imortl ' ur @ll tulkn baut k !!!!!!!!1!1!one!!!!1!
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:iconmoxiecrimefighter4:
MoxieCrimefighter4 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2009
Come on. This is the most obvious troll story I've ever read. It's the exact same beginning as My Immortal, but the words are changed. :|
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:iconxxtammycullenxx:
xXTammyCullenXx Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2009
Heh, it was. :3 It is kinda obvious, ain't it? But soooo lulzy.
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:icongoffikmarysueplz:
goffikmarysueplz Featured By Owner Oct 24, 2009   Writer
wow! dis is da beft storii EBEH!!21!1!1!!!!1!!!666 i menz srsly!1!!!1!!!!!!666 EBEH!!!!!1!!!!12!
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